open letter to a sneaky faggot

maybe i am a fucked up person with fucked up ideas of self reliance, but you’ve known me as that from the beginning. i hate asking people for help. any time i do find myself in those situations where i feel marginally comfortable or in desperate need of assistance, asking for it makes me feel like an abused dog going back to his owner.

i don’t intend to offend anyone by refusing their help and i find it, to use Divine’s own words, repellent when someone would get fussy over my doing so. i’m sure you’re aware that what you did tonight fell into just that category, but that isn’t the only violation i feel you dished out.

in the interest of not only making my self clear and understood but also to allow you no excuses to make those mistakes again, i have a nice, if very short, list of trespasses you committed in less than five minutes.

the foremost of these items is the statement you made regarding putting myself in “degrading situations.” i might have little self esteem but the choices i make i own. i have never degraded my self. i’ve sold my body for money, i’ve shoplifted food, i’ve passed bad checks, i’ve eaten food other people have tossed out, i have done or will do– should the environs submit– anything in the name of survival. we are at heart animals. we’ve domesticated ourselves and raised our offspring in the sanitized sprawl known as suburbs but put any yuppie on the street with no money and he will do what ever he can to stay alive. as humans we vie for happiness or to at least define it. independence is my bliss and i’ll follow it to the end. it will never be your place to decide for me what is degrading, those opinions are out of your bounds. clear?

and what is this about you consistently being in such a superior position that you can help me out? what, is this pretty in pink? i’m not a dame in distress. i’m sure it is becoming clearer that my stability isn’t in question. i forgive that you find money and materials to be of such high value but i’d rather cut everything from my lower torso down off than share them. don’t push your almost fascist form of capitalism onto me, there are better things in life.

and how fucking dare you belittle the validity of my decisions by saying something to the effect of i’ll do anything, say anything, or make up anything to be right. if i am right often it is because i care enough about that aspect of my reputation. choosing to live in my car might not be the right answer for you but it isn’t your question to ask. i’ll save money and make a point. we must be the change we seek out. if by making whatever statement i want to make and if only 5 people know the idea behind them, i have done better than quite a few of the people i know.

in summation i can only hope you feel like a genuine ass hole.